From Inside to Out: Quality Care Begins with Emotional Awareness
Recently, I found myself revisiting a talk by Patrick Friman from about a decade ago. This lecture holds a special place in my heart, so much so that I even shared it on my LinkedIn a few months back. Each viewing feels like the first time. Occasionally, I dive back into it not just to brush up on its rich content, but also to immerse myself in Dr. Friman’s unique and engaging method of imparting knowledge. At its core, the discussion sheds light on the foundational principles of how youngsters behave and learn, all from an insightful ABA perspective.
For those acquainted with Friman's work (and if you aren’t, it's about time you caught up!), his approach is distinct and memorable. He has this knack for distilling complex concepts of learning and behavior into 8 or 10 key points. But it's not just the content, it's his delivery. He presents these points with humor and flair, making them stick with the audience. One aspect I find myself invariably drawn to is one particular slide. It’s this introspection, the focus on managing OUR behaviors, OUR expectations, and most poignantly, OUR emotions, that sets this talk apart. I often recommend this video to parents and budding RBTs because it paints a genuine picture of child learning, and thus equipping them for the journey ahead.
Dr. Friman delves into the significance of our emotions, particularly in what many might term the "disciplinary" process. As ABA clinicians, we might shy away from such a colloquial term, especially when addressing our response to challenging situations, like a meltdown in a center or classroom. Our lexicon typically leans towards phrases like "Reactive Strategies" or "Behavior Plan" to describe our immediate or planned interventions. But the essence of Friman’s argument transcends terminology. It's universal, urging introspection and emotional intelligence in our interactions.
The point he made was this: When a kiddo is being disciplined, they should be the ones that are upset.
First, Friman is not insisting that the child should be upset during all disciplinary measures. Let’s get that out of the way. In this day and age, there seems to be a lot of people frothing at the mouth to exhibit their virtuosity in regard to subjects like this.
Rather, what Friman insists upon has everything to do with our behavior–the behavior of the adult. What Friman definitely means is that we (the staff, the teacher, the caregiver, the adult, etc.) should not be the ones that are upset when we’re disciplining. And he also implies–pretty explicitly–that we adults are naturally inclined to get upset when a problem behavior hits the fan. This bullet point in this excellent lecture that he gives is not there to exhibit virtuosity. It’s not a feature of his immeasurable concern for compassionate care (although I can assure you that he has an abundance of it). It’s not a gimmick to show everyone his moral altitude. It’s not an empty regurgitation of what should be obvious to most of us.
Instead, it's merely a statement of fact: Adults often get upset when kiddos tantrum.
It’s a tale as old as time and it’s a slide in Friman’s presentation for a reason.
I mean…sometimes that's what kids are going for when they tantrum, right? Somewhere, somehow an adult becomes noticeably emotionally disregulated when that kiddo engages in a problem behavior and–Viola–the tantrum continues, expounds, and magnifies. It’s a thing. It becomes a bigger thing.
In our field we talk about the things BCBAs get wrong…but offer very little in the way of tangible solutions on how we can start to get the wrong things right. Oftentimes we do this in exchange for “likes” and “reposts”. The herd is terrified of offering a coherent and thoughtful solution these days.
So, I’m not going to regurgitate. I’m not going to buzzword and meme you (both verbs in this context). I’m not going to jargonate and mantrasize you (both words I just invented). I’m going to seek to expand on Friman’s point. I’m going to try to do what Friman does so well for all of us (and has done for years).
I’m going to try to offer a tangible solution.
So…how in the sam hill do we stop caregivers and staff members from getting upset during a problem behavior?
Well it starts with embedding conversations about it into the day-to-day.
The journey towards understanding behavior starts with labeling our own emotions. Encouraging staff to articulate their own “zones of regulation” during episodes of challenging behaviors is a vital first step. Imagine incorporating this introspective element into our data collection systems. When you're capturing ABC data, why not include a segment where staff can rate, on a scale of 1-10, their emotional equilibrium during the incident? How confident were they during the problem behavior? Do they feel like the plan is working? Did they feel good about the way they handled things? Supervisors should be quick to note the discrepancies and work with the staff member to assess their own behavior accurately.
This reflective approach isn't limited to our staff; it extends to caregivers as well. Once I've cultivated a trusting relationship with them, one of my initial topics of discussion delves into the emotional toll of problematic behaviors. I'm curious: amidst the storm of an escalation, do they find themselves relaxed or overwhelmed? Are they confident in how they handle it? Is it taking a toll on them?
Recognizing and labeling these emotions isn’t a mere exercise in self-awareness. It forms the bedrock of emotional regulation. Prompting staff and caregivers to acknowledging their personal state is often half the battle, as it directs our attention to sometimes the only thing they can control: their own behavior. Additionally, it helps supervising clinicians catch issues in confidence and awareness in their infancy.
Finally, these conversations pave the way for deeper connections with our team and caregivers. Their role is far from easy, oscillating between heartwarming and heart-wrenching moments. Recognizing their consistent dedication and effort not only fosters a sense of appreciation but also epitomizes the epitome of compassionate professionalism that we should always aspire to.
What other ways can we tangibly and practically promote compassion? How do we know its happening and when it isn’t happening? Hit me back!