Reflections on Friendly Faces...and Ideas for Teaching Eye Contact
We’ve all been in situations where a friendly face is a welcomed sight. There are a variety of contexts in which the friendly face appears. Sometimes it shows itself in situations where we need help—like the person who stopped to help you with that flat tire. Sometimes it’s a running into a friend at the grocery store, reminding you that the world is a small place. Sometimes it’s the face of someone you deeply love—a face that’s paired with memories that only the two of you can describe. Friendly faces aren’t just faces. Friendly faces are a signal of potential or past reinforcement. They are, perhaps, the visual symbol for another relationship.
Ask a clinical professional why eye contact is such an important behavior for learners to develop, you’ll get several responses. It’s the first stage of attending and a learner’s attention allows us to teach more easily. It’s also the first stage to reading emotions and reading emotions is a milestone for relationship development. Both points are true and most of us agree with them.
However, I think that teaching eye contact is important on an even deeper level than these. Why? Because it has the potential to be the learner’s first real interaction with a friendly face. And we have the fortunate and unique opportunity to be present for their first experiences with a friendly face...and that face might be our own.
It doesn’t get any better—or more important—than that.
Great. So how do you do it? Here are a several ideas (or starters maybe) for making eye contact work.
Change your paradigm. This isn’t just a skill that helps with getting your learner’s attention down the road. Nor is it simply the first stage to learning emotions. It’s not just an “eye contact program”, it’s a “face pairing program”. I realize this doesn’t roll off the tongue exactly. But we want our faces to symbolize a quality relationship, and that means our face needs to represent the onset of good things. It has to mean life is getting better. If our face were a day of the week, it would have to be a Friday. A face is a portal to a relationship. And relationships can be portals to awesomeness.
Start with gestures. Pair your body—specifically the gestures and motions that you make—with awesome stuff. Work on getting the learner to follow your gesture to a variety of different places that gets them quick access to their favorite stuff. For example, you might hide a preferred toy under a cushion or inside a drawer. When they are looking for their toy, you point to the cushion or the drawer. Your gesture functions as a source of information about where their reinforcer is. Because of that, your gesture becomes a source of reinforcement and something that your learner will look for.
Focus in, focus out. Clearly eye contact is not something where a partial physical prompt can apply. So, we have to use things in the learner's environment that help them focus in on our faces and then eventually pick it out when there are distractions. How do we do that?
Teach looking inside of things. As the learner’s ability to follow a gesture prompt improves, begin having them look into things such as, buckets, cups, opened boxes, and even trash cans can be helpful. Per the usual, have a reinforcer waiting for them at the bottom. (Well, maybe not the trashcan.) Make this a fun game.
Teach looking through things. Begin having the learner shift their gaze to looking into smaller items that require a little bit more concentration and focus. Have them look into telescopes, binoculars, kaleidoscopes, hand mirrors, and magnifying glasses. In exchange—of course—for preferred items and activities.
Teach looking through small “two-way” objects. As the learner develops skills in the areas above, you can have them begin to look through “two-way” objects. These are smaller objects that have openings at both ends. Examples might include the cardboard tubes from paper towel rolls and boxes where the bottoms have been removed. As the learner gains fluency here, begin peeping through the other side of the two-way object and making eye contact. The nature of the objects themselves help the learner focus in on the critical features of the exercise: our eyes. Obviously, this needs to be a fun experience for them! There needs to be tons of reinforcement waiting for them. Hint: Gradually shortening the length of the two-way object, as well.
Teaching looking through large two-way objects. Next, start to fade the size of the two-way objects to larger in diameter but shorter in depth. I like to look through a large bubble maker or a frisbee without a center. This isn’t as focused as the smaller two-way objects, but it gives the learner just enough visual guidance to look toward us and make eye contact. Eventually, you can fade these objects out completely and increase distance and circumstance. Again, all in exchange for immediate and awesome reinforcement.
Reinforce, rinse, repeat. If a learner makes eye contact three days in a row in nine of ten trials each day, this might be considered “mastery” criteria for some of us. However, this isn’t a skill that we simply want them to “master” or “meet criteria” for. It’s too important—and it’s a tool skill. Lose it and you might lose other skills, too. They need to be fluent in a skill like this. On an ongoing basis (like…everyday), offer random high value items and activities for when your learner is looking at your face. Again, our face should be fun and we should be working to pair it with fun!
A friendly face…is most important. So what kind of face is waiting for our learners when they do make eye contact with us? Well, it needs to be a friendly one. Make sure they’re greeted with the same warm smiles that we prefer to be greeted with. Our face and our voice should broadcast warmth and approachability. It should suggest that we’re excited to see their face, too. It should communicate that they are a joy to behold. Smile back, this isn’t just another program.
What experiences have you had in teaching eye contact? Obviously, for some learners, it’s as easy as gesturing to your face or holding up an edible at eye level. For others it can be a concept that can be hard to grasp. In some cases, the idea of looking at someone’s face can be incredibly discomforting. Be sensitive to that. Reach out as you always do. Love to hear your feedback.