Text, Reply, Repeat: How to Break the Reactive Leadership Cycle
It’s 10 PM on a Friday night.
You’ve settled into the couch, maybe settled into something on TV, when—*ding!*—your phone lights up with a work email. You glance at it, tell yourself it’s just a quick reply, and five minutes later you’re neck-deep in drafting a detailed response. Maybe you even feel a little proud of yourself. Look at me. I’m working so hard, even after hours. Dedication, baby! I’m burnin’ that midnight oil.
Not so fast. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. The flex you think it is might not actually be a flex. In fact, it might be screaming, “I can’t say ‘no’!” more than “I’m a hard worker.” Don’t get me wrong—your boss appreciates your effort. I’m sure of that. But they also notice which team members are more judicial about communication—what they say, and when they respond.
Now, sure, there are exceptions. Some companies overwork their employees to the bone. If that’s your reality, it’s time to have a candid conversation with your supervisor. But sometimes, the issue isn’t as much the job. It’s something different. More specifically, it’s the habits we’ve built around our phones, our email notifications, and that insidious little voice whispering, If you don’t respond right now, you’re failing.
You already know this: most of us are addicted to our phones.
The notification pings, the text bubbles, the endless cycle of Teams messages—they’ve rewired our brains. We get a text, we respond. We hear an email come in, we answer. No deliberation, no pause. Just reaction. But is that really management? Are we being judicious? Is that intentional communication? Or are you just a highly responsive robot programmed to fire off replies at all hours—including those precious hours after work?
Do this. The next time you feel the urge to send a late-night email or answer a text at 2 AM, ask yourself: Am I doing this because it’s urgent, or because I’ve trained myself to respond to every ping like a lab rat hitting a lever? There’s no shame in the habit—we all fall into it. I only bring this up because I suffer from the same exact response addiction and it’s caused just as many problems as it has solutions.
Leadership demands making deliberate choices.
As you move up in your career—whether you’re a BCBA, a director, or managing a team—the demands on your time don’t just grow; they multiply. Every decision you make, every text you send, every email you respond to impacts not just you, but a whole web of people: clients, families, and coworkers. The stakes are higher, and the temptation to be constantly available looms even larger. So, if you can’t take anything away but one thing from this week’s post, take this away: if you don’t set boundaries, the job will start managing you instead of the other way around.
Leadership isn’t reactive. It’s intentional. And intentionality starts with learning to say “no”—to distractions, to interruptions, and sometimes even to that tempting late-night text. By creating space for yourself, you create clarity for your team. You stop spinning in circles, chasing the next task, and start moving forward with purpose. That’s the kind of leadership people notice. That’s the kind of management people respect.
So this weekend, when your phone buzzes with that after-hours work message, pause. Ask yourself: Does this truly need my attention right now, or can it wait until tomorrow?
If it’s urgent, handle it. If it’s not, set the phone down, walk away, and breathe. And, as always, work with your supervisor to help make these distinctions if you’re unsure.
Because the truth is, the best leaders aren’t always the ones who answer every text. They’re the ones who know when to let it go. And in a world that never stops buzzing and pinging and dinging, your ability to filter through the noise might be a cutting edge superpower.
Martin Myers is a BCBA with a passion for helping improve the field of ABA. He is the creator of BxMastery, with over 4,000 goal ideas, sequenced, to inspire your programming. With 10+ years of experience in the field, he’s dedicated to empowering others and fostering positive change through effective leadership and communication. Connect with Martin on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok for more insights and updates.