The Secret to Navigating Emotional Conversations? Make it a Double!
If you’ve followed me this far, you know I like to talk! So, I’m offering a recorded video, in addition to this written post below. You can watch my video about navigating difficult workplace conversation at the bottom of this post.
This week let’s talk about one of the most critical aspects of being a leader in ABA: how to handle difficult conversations with staff, parents, or anyone who might at some point be upset with you or your company, with grace and effectiveness. Whenever I’m faced with conversations like these, I enter into them knowing that it’s actually not going to be a conversation. Instead, there will be at least two conversations (maybe more).
Read on (or watch the video below)!
Conversation #1: Listen and Let Their Emotion Happen
Imagine this: a staff member or caregiver storms into your office, visibly upset about something. Or, maybe there’s a caregiver that wants you on the phone right away. They're dissatisfied with a policy, a decision, or an RBT's behavior, etc. Your initial instinct might be to brace yourself for a confrontation, or to shut down his/her emotionally charged dialogue. Your immediate instinct is to give a cut and dried answer or begin citing company policy.
But, try this instead…
When faced with such a situation, we should—first—recognize that it demands two conversations with this person (at least). Yes, there is a time and place for responses, retorts, policy references, and conclusions. But it’s not in the first conversation with this highly emotional person. So, it’s important to resonate with the fact that you’re going to have more than one conversation with this person. Start there.
And, in this first conversation, shy away from immediately resorting to logic, reason, and/or policy, which often falls flat in the face of heightened emotions. Instead, prioritize curiosity, exploration, and flexibility. Ask big probing questions about that person’s experience. Ask how they feel or felt. Practice actively listening. Mirror their emotions. Convey genuine empathy for this person.
By allowing the individual to express their emotions freely, without judgment or interruption, you create a space for them to feel heard and validated. Sometimes, all they need to do is vent, and by providing that outlet, you lay the foundation for constructive dialogue moving forward.
And once they do, let them know that you’d like to follow up with them soon. Schedule a second conversation and let them know that you’ll look into their concerns.
Conversation Two: Offer Your Decision
Once the emotional intensity has subsided, you can transition into a second, later conversation. This is where logic and reason come into play. Armed with a deeper understanding of the individual's concerns and motivations, you're better equipped to explore potential solutions collaboratively. Or, if the only solution to their problem is one that they’ll be less than excited about, it is in this conversation that you can more easily explain your conclusion.
Since you hadn’t immediately imposed your rigid policies or hasty decisions in the first conversation, you can begin to discuss the verdict on whatever the issue is—even if you knew what that verdict was at the beginning of the first conversation. That said, you should continue to demonstrate a willingness to consider alternative perspectives and explore creative solutions at this point, as well.
And again, if his/her emotions continue to run high, look to schedule another follow up conversation—it might not be time to talk about your conclusion. Additionally, don’t hastily offer a verdict or solution until you have the facts. Don’t be afraid to have as many conversations as necessary to get those facts!
Conclusion
These kinds of conversations, though difficult, are an inevitable aspect of leadership, but they also present opportunities for growth and relationship-building. By embracing emotion, actively listening, and offering collaborative solutions, you can navigate these challenges with confidence and compassion.
As a BCBA, educator, or leader in any field, adopting this two-conversation approach can help cultivate a culture of open communication, empathy, and problem-solving within your organization. So, the next time you find yourself faced with a difficult conversation, remember to lean in, listen deeply, and approach the situation with empathy. And schedule that second conversation.
Happy Friday!
About the Author
Martin Myers is a BCBA with a passion for helping improve the field of ABA. With 10+ years of experience in the field, he’s dedicated to empowering others and fostering positive change through effective leadership and communication. Connect with Martin on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok for more insights and updates.