Last week, we discussed the importance of parent training and the attitude that we as professionals should adopt towards it. Specifically, we highlighted the need to prioritize our relationships with parents as much as we prioritize the progress of the children we work with. Additionally, we emphasized the importance of being the go-to professional for parents in order to alleviate the stresses and variables associated with a multidisciplinary approach. Finally, we discussed the importance of managing our own expectations and avoiding assumptions about what parents should be doing or how they should be reacting to us, as much of this is beyond our control.
This week, I’ll highlight something that needs to be the focal topic of nearly every conversation that you have with parents. What you discuss in your meetings with them will likely vary most of the time. But, this particular conversation piece should be a fixture of nearly all of those meetings. What it it?
The future.
More precisely, what they envision their child’s future to be. Short term and long term.
This involves sitting down with parents and having them describe where their child could be in the next year, three years, five years, and even adulthood, depending on the child's age. This means asking gentle and sensitive questions to gather as much information as possible. It also means that you’ll need to inquire about their expectations of ABA and the skills they hope their child will acquire. Ask them to describe what success would look like with ABA therapy, what their timeline for ABA is, and what the future looks like at various milestones in their child's life. What do vacations look like? What does school look like? What does graduation look like? The more details the better.
The future can be a scary place for a lot of us…especially for some of the families we work with. This topic—at first—might be one that makes them uncomfortable. It also might be one they haven’t even begun to consider. Or, further, you might realize that some of the expectations for the future are much higher or lower than you’d expect. That’s not the point. The point is to gather data and get information. And the name of the game is to get them talking, engage with them compassionately, while validating their willingness to look at the future with you…without being judged for the way they see it.
Why is this process important? Why does it work? Why is it necessary?
Let’s break it down.
It’s a window into who they are as a family. The first reason why this process is valuable is that it provides insight into the learner's life, the family's values, and their desired outcomes. It helps to identify the caregivers' expectations and the realism of those expectations, whether they are too low, too high, or just right. By asking where they see themselves and their child in ten years, one can gather a lot of information about the family. This process serves as an assessment technique that provides valuable data and insights. Additionally, it allows for a pairing opportunity, where one can listen sensitively to the parents' input. This exercise doesn’t simply answer the question about where they want their learner to be, but who they are as well.
You start with the destination in mind. The other advantage of this process is that it provides a clear target and direction for the ABA program. By identifying where the child and family want to go, decisions can be made to achieve those goals. Just like going on a road trip, knowing the destination helps determine the path to take, whether to go left, right, over, under, around, or through. This clarity and direction should be revisited frequently with the family to ensure that the ABA program stays on track towards the desired outcomes.
But what if the expectations are too high? Or, too “off base”? Read on.
An established destination requires a roadmap. Once you've established a target or destination, it puts you both in a situation where you have to create a roadmap together. This means discussing the plan frequently and consulting it regularly. As we mentioned earlier, you may need to make changes to it along the way, but knowing your destination will make those decisions easier.
Sitting down and coming up with a game plan, which includes a list of goals to work towards, will help develop trust and remind them that this is a journey you're on together. Consulting the same roadmap in relation to the destination is crucial. Breaking down these long term goals into comprehensive steps can be challenging, but it is necessary.
Breaking long term goals into smaller goals and component skills helps the roadmap become bite-size. This skill is invaluable for BCBA professionals and parents as it provides a realistic time frame for achieving long term goals. By setting smaller goals, both parties can discuss expected timelines and come up with reasonable expectations for achieving the larger goals. This approach helps to ensure that the path towards the end goal is well-defined and reachable.
Sometimes BCBAs become upset due to parents’ high expectations or unreasonable timelines. Sometimes parents become frustrated due to a lack of progress. In many cases, a roadmap hasn’t been drawn by the BCBA.
It prevents deviation from what really matters. Having a clear destination and constantly talking about it holds both the BCBA and parent in check. If the BCBA needs to change direction and suggests implementing a different program than what was planned, it puts them in a position where they’ll need to detail why this change relates to those one year, five year, and ten year goals.
For example, let’s pretend that a long term expectation between parent and BCBA is for the learner to toilet independently in a public setting within the next year. However, upon further analysis, the BCBA has just realized that the learner cannot tolerate bright fluorescent lighting, nor do they typically sit down for more than a few seconds. The BCBA now knows that they need to adjust programming to target these component skill areas. This may feel like back tracking to the family. However, since the destination and expectations are clear, the BCBA will need to map out why these skills are necessary to master the skill of toileting.
Furthermore, it helps caregivers make decisions on changing courses as well. In instances where they suggest taking things a different direction, you can immediately ask them if it’s time to change some of those long term expectations. For example, a caregiver has discussed how important it is for their child to develop friendships in the coming years. As such, your goals are heavily oriented toward social skills. Now let’s pretend that, today, the caregivers came to you and said that they’d like to drop everything and begin working, exclusively, on skills that might help the learner tolerate a trip to Disney World. Cool stuff! However, since expectations have previously been established, it’s important to let parents know that this implies a change or stall in trajectory. Do they know that this might inhibit some of the progress made on making friends/social skills? Since gaining friendships is so important to them, are they okay with sacrificing that progress? Are we changing this trajectory permanently? How often do we expect to change courses going forward? Should we reassess our end game to include programming for family outings?
There isn’t a wrong answer here! It’s simply important to make the future the focal point of our discussions. Revisiting this conversation ensures against decisions that are whimsical on the part of the BCBA or parent and that ultimately deter crucial, long-term success.
You’re in it for the long haul. Adopting this approach shows that you care about the learner's future, and it communicates a priceless message to the family: that you are invested in the learner's long-term success, and you are thinking about their development as a whole person. This is a journey that is likely to have turbulence. Talking about the future means that you’re in the future…which means that you’ll be there at every step from now until then. That’s comforting. And it reminds them that you’re a major piece to their child’s life.
Further, speak to that future with enthusiasm and positivity. By doing so, you are involving parents, building excitement, and you are encouraging them to look ahead often. You’re implying that the future is bright.
That’s because—with you on board—it very much is.
Love to hear your thoughts. More to come on parent training next week!
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